Reclaiming and Reframing

On a impactful morning at Female Quotient Lounge on the anniversary of my mother's passing

Seven years today, I lost my mom to sarcoma, after an extended six year illness. In those long seven years adapting to cycles of grief, I have learned to not schedule much on anniversaries, her birthday or Mother’s Day and just let the day take me where it wants to, or let it leave me in a ball in bed watching Below Deck with my puppy. I don’t make plans that I will feel guilty about potentially cancelling and allow myself to just have a pretty mopey day.

Except this year, I am in Cannes for the first time hosting three events this week for the Tomorrow Group where I am Chief Comms Officer and resident events producer. So, when faced with the opportunity to meet and be inspired by a bunch of incredible women or wallow in missing the woman I would most want to recount the experience of the festival to, I chose opportunity. I pre-warned my team that I might go quiet for a few hours and why. I made my phone calls to my family yesterday to give myself the best chance of making today a productive day that would honour my mother’s memory and I pulled up my big girls pants and kicked myself out the door at 8 am.

Because of not wanting to beat myself up if I did not end up attending anything at all, I had not looked at any agendas for today. The rest of my week is planned to precision, but in the interest of self care, I had somehow missed that Monica Lewinsky would be speaking at the the Female Quotient Lounge. I yelped a little bit and rerouted myself to the FQ Lounge and texted other kick ass women about the not to be missed session. My friend Ella Darlington from my G100 Media Arts & Communications group said she would juggle some things and come along and offered a needed hug from an amazing woman.

And wow, did this morning deliver. I arrived during “The New Business Imperative: Leading with Personalisation” with Preston Nix and Jordan Cully was fascinating and right up my alley being Burger King focussed (I created National Burger Day in the UK in my pre-activist days). And this was followed by Guided by Grit: The Best (and Worst) Advice that shaped us. Loved the honesty and talk of abundance and being the women we would have wanted managing us. Tiffany R Warren describing herself as a lighthouse and Evelyn Lopez Mendoza talking about the importance of being accessible stuck with me.

After every panel, I physically moved closer to the front row for what was for me, the main event. I ended up in the second row hanging on every word and so relieved I made the effort to attend. In the lead up, I met Michele Jefferson from Nitro, Magdalena Klein, and Akari Terrell.

Honoured to hear these dynamic and intrepid women who have and continue to re-write the narrative.

The talk was titled ‘Reclaiming and Reframing: moving your narrative forward’ and was The Female Quotient’s CEO Shelley Zalis and Wondery CEO Jen Sargent with Monica about ‘transforming life’s most challenging moments into catalysts for growth.’

Monica’s podcast on Wondery is called Reclaiming and coincidentally I co-founded a women’s safety organisation called Reclaim These Streets in 2021 after Sarah Everard was killed by a serving police officer in London. I have spent the last four years advocating for women’s safety and police reform in the UK and successfully sued the Metropolitan Police in London for violating our human right to protest for not allowing us to hold a vigil for a woman that one of their own had brutally abducted raped and murdered.

That work led to my TEDx called Reclaim Yourself: The Most Valuable Investment You Can Make. Now there is serendipity and then there is the world smacking me in the face telling me that my path to reclaim my life and the streets for women is my purpose. And today reminded me that my work is on my mom’s shoulders and how proud she would be at my very literally reclaiming my sobriety, my voice and my ability to impact the world.

After the talk, I had a moment to thank Jen and Shelley and tell them why today knocked me sideways in a good way. Both were generous with their time and said they understood how important today was to me- especially with all of the Reclaim parallels. Shelley came back and hugged me again and said I was in the absolutely right place. I look forward to following Jen’s leadership of Wondery (and wonder if she plays scrabble) as well as loving that Monica said she went with Wondery partly because of the intellectual curiosity, I adore how she owns how extraordinary she is and the way she wrestled back reputational control.

Only when recounting how touched I was by my experience to Fatou Ndiaye who runs Equity Nation (and is the best dressed woman at Cannes or maybe just in general) and queuing with Marlowe Sidney, who I will see again in London soon, did I learn that this is Shelley’s MO. So many women I met today were surprised that this was my intro to Female Quotient and Shelley. Shelley walks the walk to remove the red rope that keeps so many women from what is seen as the elite track. She cares and demonstrates it and hires the best women and trusts them implicitly. Heard time and again that every sponsor is vetted to make sure they aren’t just me-too washing their company reputations by throwing money around. When I texted a dear friend Steph from Jellyfish, she was thrilled that I met Shelley, today of all days today was a big step. A step where I celebrated my mom’s legacy by celebrating other women.

I’ve been to hundreds of conferences since becoming a campaigner. I’ve spoken at over 50. And I’ve never had a day filled with so much reinforcement and support that I am on the right path, that my work is valuable and that my mom would be so fucking proud. Monica spoke of the shame when someone said “can you imagine someone bringing her home to their family.” Well, even without my mom, I’d be honoured to give you a seat our table for Sunday spaghetti and that goes for all of the women I encountered today and those women that made it all possible.

With an abundance of gratitude in her name, I’m Debbie Bambino’s daughter.