Support and kindness when needed the most

Community is everything especially as a woman living alone

It’s been a dark few days in my world and for women in London. When my old business partner and dear friend Heather returned to visit from her new base in Dubai- it was the week that Cressida Dick was ousted. I did a lot of press that week, and Heather asked how I became the go to on police reform. It had been a huge steep learning curve and a big responsibility; but I was not from that world and was asking basic but challenging questions. And it has not stopped since the night I tweeted about a vigil for Sarah.

And you get love and support from all different places— but when I lived down the street fifteen years ago from the rough boozer, I was a big big drinker but had never been in once. And then I moved back around the corner and it had had a face lift and new owner was much brighter but very much still a local cornerstone with lots of regulars. I no longer was drinking but there was darts and we had done a Christmas in there and because of lockdown I was craving the company and community as I was living alone for the first time.

Our landlady kept treats behind the bar for McNulty but eight months later it was embarassing and way too late to not know her name, but we spoke every single day and I was much happier being embarassed for two minutes and now knowing her name than continuing to be uninformed. Once I knew she was Lisa, we talked a lot more. I lingered longer and McNults continued to bask in the love and attention. McNults got her treat and I got my nightly Diet Pepsi.

As McNults’ heart weakened she was in a buggy and would get out in the pub and show off and say hi to everyone. I wrote about our routine and Lisa’s part in it in the Guardian when I spoke of McNulty’s impending death. She was an old girl and her health was detereiorating. Lisa’s 17 year old dog passed away a few months before McNults and we cried together a bit.

During all of this I was doing more and more television about Reclaim These Streets. Lisa was the first person I saw when my Vogue piece was published and when I returned home every night, she was my check in (except Sundays).

When I came back from a protest and march for the second anniversary of Bibaa and Nicole’s deaths which I had spoke about, I was shaken by a mother who asked for help getting her children out of a violent home. Everything I had done had been on telly or the radio. I knew how to signpost for help behind a screen but had never done it in person. The Women’s Equality Party had frontline women who knew what to do and how to help, but I felt useless and like a phony. Lisa sat with me while I cried and called Mandu Reid who very helpfully told me if it hadn’t shaken me, I was too burnt out to do the work. And that we all play different yet vital roles. Mandu has continually been a source of kindness, advice and sense throughout my journey to being an activist.

That night Lisa and I talked about my mom and me quitting drinking and how I had been drawn to activism. Lisa’s life and family aren’t my story to tell, but she isn’t just the landlady to me. She is the closest person, in person, that I can go to if I need a human to tell me it will be okay. With no judgement, but just quiet endorsement and support.

When we first were saying goodbye to McNults (it was a false start) we waited till Lisa got to the pub to say goodbye- and then the brat ran around the vet and we returned. But she knew how much McNults was my company and love and constant. She got it. Totally got it.

A couple of nights ago, I had the camerawoman from Jeremy Kyle set up there (safety precautions with doing it at mine) and told her that Lisa would have warmth and hot beverages and is kind and generous. I later came in and practiced my talking points while I had water and hot water for my awful Raynaulds useless hands in the cold. I had done earlier interviews that day and everyone meets me in there and are always welcomed.

As I sat with her, a neighbour offered me a Gin for Dutch Courage and Lisa said no and that I didn’t do that so I could do this and pointed at the camera. And she is absolutely right. My not drinking has enabled my new path and career. And her support and wave every night and kindness has meant more than she will ever know. She’ll be embarassed by this, like the Guardian article, but we need to thank the women that build us up.

So thank you Lisa. For dog treats, for loving my McNulty and for quietly always taking care of me.