After two false starts where I thought we were going to lose McNulty; on Friday it was definitely time. This is not the post I was expecting to be sharing. I knew I wanted to hold her when it was time; but I had no idea how much I would value the picture of our last moment together.
We had planned to go to the Royal Vet College that morning; but after coming in from a morning bathroom break; McNulty went floppy. I held her on my chest while on hold with the Vet. The plan was for Jonny, my ex, to come with us; but in the end Gina was with me and we were told to come straight in.
As Gina and I walked to the Vet, I was holding McNulty in my arms and we were both telling her what a good girl she was and thanking her for being the sassiest goofiest bossiest madam. We were both in tears but McNults was happy and wagging her tail as we both stroked her and talked about her. A perfect attention whore till the end.
When we got into the room; the Vet took her for a moment to put the catheter in and then returned with her. He said I could pet her while it happened; I asked if I could hold her. He warned me she may pee on me; which didn’t matter at all to me.
On her birthdays we always sang “It’s all about you” to her. So I was singing that and I thanked her for taking such good care of me and told her that I would be safe and okay and that she could go. I sang and rubbed her belly as the injection was administered. She was so calm and then was gone as I held her.
I didn’t know if I was going to be able to do it. When she was a baby, I left the room as she howled through a rabies shot. The reason I am writing and sharing this is that it was actually beautiful. She didn’t feel any pain; she just knew she was in my arms. In the picture that Gina took, she is smiling at me like she always did. She deserved me being calm in that moment.
Almost fourteen years together, this week has been rough. I’ve barely slept and have spent a lot of it in tears; but she got me here. She did her job and made sure I took care of her when I was not taking care of myself. I know it is only in my head, but I feel like she would be absolutely livid if I let all of my progress go to waste. I will never drink again; and I wasn’t tempted this week. I am grieving and will continue to do so; but with the knowledge that we loved eachother dearly and I gave her an absolutely wonderful life. I could not have loved her more.
Hold your pups tight and give a belly rub from me. And when the time comes, you owe it to them for all the times they were there for you.
This is beautiful. You gave her the best send off she could ever ask for. Cuddles and celebratory songs, that’s the dream for any sweetheart x
Dear Jamie,
Beautiful post & tribute. RIP McNulty!
xoxo
Cathilee