What I learned about friendship, when I quit drinking

Celebrating 5 years since I gave up booze

April 14th was my five year birthday of quitting drinking. The date triggers reflection and acts as a reminder of just how drastically my life has changed since 2020. It also makes me think about that Easter in 2020 when I had shingles and thought I was going to die drunk and in a shitty basement flat in Sheperd’s Bush with a truly awful flatmate and said I was not going to drink again during lockdown.

Had I had the benefit of time transportation, I could have let that version of me know that not only would she survive removing booze from her life; but it would be the entry way decision to an entire new life, career and future.

It’s so wild to me how drunk I was for what felt like years of lockdown and in reality was only one month. Granted it was my first unemployed month of my adult life as an owner of an events company and felt endless. It is equally wild that although at times it feels like everything changed, my core group of friends are still the wonderful humans that were with me when I was at my absolute worst and are still the people that I cherish the most and who I value as my urban family. Their support, forgiveness and love kept me alive when I was regularly putting myself in danger and more of a responsibility and source of concern than someone they looked forward to seeing or speaking to.

Specifically Gina and Rebecca both believing that I could heal and recover gave me the permission to get here. They let me apologise and grow and rebalance our friendships and to get inspiration and joy from two women who literally kept me alive when I was at my worst.

My idea of hell would be friends that constantly reminded me and chided me for when I was an albatross in their lives. They would have both been well within their rights to have washed their hands of me or to keep me at arms length just waiting for me to fail. And although they may have doubted my initial proclamations to never drink again– they were loudly front and center supporting me and allowed me to get back to being a generous friend that was interested and invested in their lives and equipped to love them back.

They didn’t half heartedly forgive or support me with conditions. They were both all in with advice, kindness, ball breaking, honesty and sisterhood. All sides of it. Not minimising how bad I was and the damage I inflicted on them; but also not avoiding rough conversations or accountability, but using those conversations to propel me forward in the process of recovery and adapting to a new world that did not include booze. Rebecca is six months ahead of me in her sobriety journey and a source of inspiration, knowledge and conversations on recovery, boundaries and addiction.

Every Gina and Rebecca let me redefine myself and my reputation and how I see myself and my standing in our relationships without having to eternally berate myself and constantly have to go tit for tat and reimburse them for what I put them through. I know I have never afforded anyone the level of grace that they gave me again and again.

My favourite thing about no longer drinking is the friend I get to now be, not only to Gina and Rebecca, but to everyone one of you that I love and value. Gina once said, ‘for years and years all I wanted was to have my beautiful Jamie back; and I have actually got you back and then some. I don’t need to rehash all of it.’

That is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me and it landed, it still lands and makes me live up to being that beautiful Jamie.

Don’t worry, I am still an outrageous and obnoxious dick to anyone I don’t rate or am oblivious to; but now I am fully invested and interested in my ridiculous crew of humans that have made me their family and are stuck with me for life. Quitting drinking hasn’t dulled my shine. It hasn’t made me more reserved or introspective, there is no danger of that or my becoming modest. Quitting drinking has unequivocally saved my life. And my urban family’s collective belief that I could quit hugely impacted me getting to my 5 year anniversary.

Now I am lucky enough to have some amazing new people that have only come into my life in the last five years, and they never had to experience wasted Jamie. Every single person I met through activism has never and will never meet drunk Jamie. They may still roll their eyes at how ridiculous I am, but they don’t worry that I won’t survive the bank holiday weekend. Recently, I met a woman Jessie that I can barely remember not loving. I don’t remember not having my Courtney in my corner. The additions to my coven have enhanced every bit of this new life that I now get to experience and enjoy.

I like the Jamie I now wake up to. I rate who I am and how I treat other people. I am proud of doing the work, caring about who I am and how I act and what I give back to people in the same position and pain I was in.

To my urban family that still take care of me albeit in a very different way, and still love me and support me and take the piss out of me, I am so grateful and glad that I now reciprocate the love and care that I took for granted for too long. Every anniversary, celebration, article and accomplishment is down to being on all of your shoulders, minds and hearts. And now you can never ever get rid of me. Evil cackle.

So here is to the next 30 years without booze, but full of oversharing, inappropriate memes, behaviour, stories and friendship. And Smalls.